Matt and I went this weekend to the Hispanic Marriage Retreat. The speaker was Rey F. Matos who has written several books on marriage and family. His talks were interesting and to the point. We had several long sessions, so our only regret of the weekend was that we didn't get much time to talk alone. We did have a good time talking with our Hispanic friends and they were all so kind to us. Many expressed care and empathy at the loss of our baby. Some even shared their stories, which was a blessing to see how God carried them through. We have learned to communicate to each other better over this time and have held each other with the arms of Jesus it seems. We sang Steven Curtis Chapman's song "I will be here" in Spanish to each other, that was special.
It was uplifting to meet with the Roggio family for lunch on Sunday after the retreat. What a blessing our families have been through this whole time!
I honestly don't know what I would have done that first week without my mom. She gave me such good advice and helped me with some everyday tasks. Dad came and fixed me sweeper when I had clogged it even though he said that he wanted to fix the hurts, but couldn't. We have about 20 cards sitting on our buffet table with 3 bouquets of flowers and have had so many people call or visit. Just today I saw Bonnie Weberling at the store. Her hug and genuine concern for Matt and I was just a special reminder of God's love through His body. The truth is that I can see the difference in the ways that people who know the Lord respond to us and those who don't. It seems that the Holy Spirit reaches out to our hearts in a special way through His people. It's funny how you know in your head that people care about you, but then when something happens that makes you feel broken, there are so many to offer you a hand and say "You're not alone." The song that Vanessa sent us was so touching and special, it talks about Jesus holding our baby. The other day when Aunt Mary Kay prayed that Jesus would hold us and our baby close I had this beautiful picture of Jesus in a rocking chair with our baby. Then He traded with Grandma Sommers. It was a special thought.
You would think with all of these wonderful people and wonderful gestures, a wonderful husband and more wonderful God that I would feel more joyful. I guess I'm discovering that joy is not a feeling, it's a truth. The truth is in my heart I have joy for many things, but there is also still a deep sorrow that I cannot seem to just replace. I think like Amy said, "It will hurt until the day I die." I will always be a mom to this one too.
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